Still alive, thanks for asking. My life is crazy. Kid #3 on the way, tons of work, and in-laws now living with us. I can’t wait to tell you all about it. But first things first - I have what you came for…

at last.

if you don’t see it at first, don’t feel bad. We’ll wait for you….. there you go, atta boy.

advice for life? or watch repair? both?

I think the Goatse is following me.

is this like Nutella? Or like a Cadbury Creme Egg? (I can see how they sounded this out : “Hey, anyone know how to spell coconut? ” “Yeah, probably ‘cocoa’ plus ‘nut.’ Ask Henry, he speaks English.” Henry, gulping, “Um, yeah, looks good to me.” I can’t believe I just acted that out in my head.

1. Chinese people love them some cartoony pajamas.
2. They’re a GREAT source of manglish or whatever this is.
3. Danch Danch Revolution. Wanted to say it - didn’t see how to fit it in. Let’s move on.

that comma after new taste is really bothersome…. QUIT LOOKING AT ME!

From the other side of this box - Good source of vitamines and fattiness! But lookee here - 58 mg of AUTUNITE! Which is…

“A yellowish, fluorescent minor ore of uranium”

“Autunite is one of the more attractive and popular radioactive minerals.”

RADIOACTIVE. That may explain all the different fonts - poor graphic designer was bleeding from the gums and eyes.

Fruit Relish is vaguely disgusting, but the reason I grabbed this is I’m fairly sure this is Mangled Japanese again. Since these Japanese fruit treats are so popular, why not make some knockoffs and sell them to the unsuspecting? Shall we name Mangled Japanese? NiWrongo?

this one we’ll do it two parts. there is not ONE sentence correct on this box.

Wow, this is veritable material! There”s nobody can refuse this Europe flavor or the nourishment abundance! heads up, Manglians, THEY’RE COOKIES! No nourishment here.

crappy picture, awesome name. Superduty Garder Robot! Salvation in One! I may have to buy this.

handwritten signs are fertile grounds. I’m also glad to see the font from the original Star Trek getting some play.

Feel as reading real English. Fire up the powerful main-frame. My palm is so versatile.

After Snoopy’s sex change, Charlie Brown simply calls him “My Dog.”

This is either hilarious, or very poignant.

I’ll give some thought to more posts - at least one a week. Thanks for hanging in there! Veritable Material!

Some of my readers are strange - like the lonely South Asian doctor looking for a British Wife.

Dr. mahendra sharma (mahendra_sharma97@[removed].com) on Wednesday, October 11, 2006 at 07:42:48
Subject: marry with english lady
—————————————————————————
ready for marry
—————————————————————————

But the vast majority are good people, similarly tickled and fascinated by the ways the most widely-used language on Earth is tortured and twisted and mistranslated into Manglish Here are some generous submissions from Arlen, Anthony Dawson, Steph Z Guan, Thomas Waldron, and Halima Brewer. Thanks for sending these in, folks!

I’m firmly of the belief that any danger sign should be understood at a glance. For this, I’d have to break out my word-of-the-day calendar. By then, I may already be dead.

Baby Pudgy should come with baby glucophage and a baby stomach staple.

Whatever happened to, “Give a hoot, don’t pollute?”

What’s with all these barbarian tourists they’re talking about? Are the Vikings back? Horned helmets and fanny packs?

You’re no fun - the only reason I came here was to fall down.

Fatal Drawing? What manner of creature lives in the Bridge Kiosk anyway?

Somewhere there’s a flower with John Travolta’s face. John Woo should be ashamed of himself, if not for the flower defacing, then for this line from, “Hard Target,” his first US movie. A lady is asking the mulleted Jean Claude van Damme about his past.

“Why are you named Chance?”
“My Momma took one.”

Shame on you, John. Shame.

Hi Labrador! I’m Golden Retriever, of the Minneapolis Retrievers. Awfully kind of the person who submitted his to blur the pedestrian, though I’m not sure it was necessary. It’s not like the guy’s shirt said, “I’m Hamas,” or “I’m IRA,” or “I’m Mormon.”

Lilang definitelty guided me to comprehend life and enjoy the grace feeling. i owe her everything. What is she, you ask? Why she’s a pair of khakis, of course. I ooze Sagacity.

Trust No One.

I can’t resort? No pitchmen? This place sucks! Come on, let’s go spit in the stairwell.

Go see if Isaac and Captain Stubing are ready to depart.

If it’s safe, why does it need attention? WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME DOCTOR?

Whoa there, Typhoid Mary - I’m not sucking any kind of phenol, even to protect the wet composition. And since when does Small Pox have MILK? That must taste glossily.

Tasty Couture.

very subtle.

Anthony Dawson says, “On returning to my room I found this under my door :-)” It’s good to know the Chinese have solved the Bealth Care Crisis. How many people order the “Male Sexual Funtion Obstacle?” “Hi - yeah, my libido is out of control - can you send up some Estrogen and Hugh Grant movies?” Or is it some sort of outdoor Boot Camp for people with Erectile Dysfunction? I’m intrigued…

JET THIS MATTER AROUND PUBES THEN THE MAGICAL IMPRESSION WILL APPEAR AMID FIVE OR TEN MINUTES. I don’t care what it is - any matter jetted around pubes will likely have the same effect. This is genius - “caduceus flower of coition?” “The woman of erotic apathy is remedied to be classy?” I don’t need to add anything - I say it aloud and can’t stop laughing. excuse me while I wait for my magical impression. Here it comes…

Not all manglish is foreign born.

Natural flavor with other natural flavor? Thanks for clearing that up. “Um, we got some of this, and a little of that…”

And here I find it funny that a synonym of archness is waggishness.

No trucks and absolutely no amorphous blobs.

What the hell do they do, cast spells?

When your thesaurus leads you astray - it’s a gift wrapping kiosk, I think. Gift can have many denotations. Didn’t they make it past the first one in the dictionary? The girl looked at me funny when i gave her a can of soup and threw some change in her tea.

I think he prefers to be called, “Pooh.” But this zoom-in is even better:

Yes, we play together good, I guess. As long as you’re multifunctional intelligent.

if we don’t like it, you’ll recoil in horror? And wait, I still don’t even know what your product IS.

What’s a fashion weel?

yeah, my doctor sighed when I bought my mountain bike, too.

Christmas Even with a twist. Flamboyance! Mrs Claus has no idea, does she?

I told you not to trust those shifty goddamned legos.

Mommy Mommy tell me again about the Likability Fish in Seabed World! Pleeeease?!?!

in other words, “get me the hell out of here!”

Cool fashion need cool taste! Amen.

wait - I’m going to breed my hair? you mean like “put it out to stud?”

is this how he does all of his own stunts?

“Hey nice haircut phyllis - where do you get it done?”
“Oh, you know, down at the four eye hair porch!”

God I love Manglish - and there’s no one in the WORLD more qualified to sniff it out - I gathered all of this on ONE DAY along with a hundred more. One excursion with a camera. Combine a Boggle obsession with latent Aspberger’s and a Jesuit Education and you get me, a freak. I’m sitting on TONS more from the last month, too - stay tuned, and have a Merry Chirstmas!