Besides scouring China and San Francisco for mangled English, and besides designing software for elite clients, I’m also a photographer. Can you tell which occupation I like best? Picture me lying in the sand, shooting with a 500mm lens down the length of my body, directly into the sun, then jumping to my feet and running to catch some kids playing in the water or a couple hugging or a woman doing yoga. I look like a crazy man, but when the sun’s good, it’s like painting with liquid light.

This is Carla - she was stretching as the sun went down and struck many good poses. Her long lean body silhouetted against the sun was great material. I approached her to tell her thanks and to share my pics - I bet she thought I was a stalker. Though with my camera, I could be a terrific one - it’s an old profession, you know. Nowadays, Juliet would have a restraining order taken out on Romeo and Cinderella’s prince would be an Oji-San with a foot fetish. Where have all the heroes gone and where are all the guards? Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

My girl - This is her caricature of how people smile for the camera. She’s too young to be so calculating, dammit! Down this road lie body image problems, bulimia, substance abuse, an affair with a chain-smoking Spaniard, and possibly a record deal, “leaked” sex tape, and jail time. Just like Paris Hilton. SHOOT ME NOW.

vitruvian woman. Seriously, a great contrast to most fanny-packed dumpy americans trudging through the sand carrying a Big Gulp.

timeless: A man walks in the surf with his little girl - I like to pretend this picture is from a thousand years ago, or a thousand from now. I shall price it accordingly!

I know these are simple, but the colors are gorgeous. Call me maudlin, trite, hackneyed, if you must.

Kids are awesome - he’s just thinking, “This is the BEST!” Meanwhile, his dad’s worrying about bills, his career, where he parked, what to get for dinner and when they should leave. Growing up blows!

I’m just starting to use Flickr, but you can click on any of the pics to go there and see some other pics in the same vein. Eventually, more may appear, inshallah.

Thanks to everyone who sends me manglish in the wild - it’s a big world, but sooner or later, it’s going to start going away. So let’s find it and document it while we’re able!

From my dad - if you’re not bilingual you either get BLAH BLAH BUTCHER-SHOP, or LOST COST BLAH. Either way, you should be CONFUSO.

Well, as long as it’s GEUNINE LTEAHER! Why didn’t you say so? You mean it’s veritable OwcHide? (thanks david mcgowan !)

Wow - nothing sexier than illiterate Lesbies! Dammit, I said Streap! (thanks to Allison in Holland !)

Can someone please get them a Politically Correct dictionary? Or can we just adopt their blunt verbiage? (thanks, LEX10 for finding and sharing it!)

Okay, compensate me the ten minutes I spent trying to understand your Mission Statement. Next time use some Mad Libs, they’ll be more readable.

Man Minnie sounds like a FREAK. She guggies THELS? Swaly, even. Especially when she’s keppie with this heat. take heed.

Damn, sounds like I should invest more heavily in the Mickey - seems like it’s up against the yen and dollar. (Thanks for those last three to Steph Guan!)

More soon, folks, including some news of mainstream news coverage, hopefully. Stay tuned!

Still alive, thanks for asking. My life is crazy. Kid #3 on the way, tons of work, and in-laws now living with us. I can’t wait to tell you all about it. But first things first - I have what you came for…

at last.

if you don’t see it at first, don’t feel bad. We’ll wait for you….. there you go, atta boy.

advice for life? or watch repair? both?

I think the Goatse is following me.

is this like Nutella? Or like a Cadbury Creme Egg? (I can see how they sounded this out : “Hey, anyone know how to spell coconut? ” “Yeah, probably ‘cocoa’ plus ‘nut.’ Ask Henry, he speaks English.” Henry, gulping, “Um, yeah, looks good to me.” I can’t believe I just acted that out in my head.

1. Chinese people love them some cartoony pajamas.
2. They’re a GREAT source of manglish or whatever this is.
3. Danch Danch Revolution. Wanted to say it - didn’t see how to fit it in. Let’s move on.

that comma after new taste is really bothersome…. QUIT LOOKING AT ME!

From the other side of this box - Good source of vitamines and fattiness! But lookee here - 58 mg of AUTUNITE! Which is…

“A yellowish, fluorescent minor ore of uranium”

“Autunite is one of the more attractive and popular radioactive minerals.”

RADIOACTIVE. That may explain all the different fonts - poor graphic designer was bleeding from the gums and eyes.

Fruit Relish is vaguely disgusting, but the reason I grabbed this is I’m fairly sure this is Mangled Japanese again. Since these Japanese fruit treats are so popular, why not make some knockoffs and sell them to the unsuspecting? Shall we name Mangled Japanese? NiWrongo?

this one we’ll do it two parts. there is not ONE sentence correct on this box.

Wow, this is veritable material! There”s nobody can refuse this Europe flavor or the nourishment abundance! heads up, Manglians, THEY’RE COOKIES! No nourishment here.

crappy picture, awesome name. Superduty Garder Robot! Salvation in One! I may have to buy this.

handwritten signs are fertile grounds. I’m also glad to see the font from the original Star Trek getting some play.

Feel as reading real English. Fire up the powerful main-frame. My palm is so versatile.

After Snoopy’s sex change, Charlie Brown simply calls him “My Dog.”

This is either hilarious, or very poignant.

I’ll give some thought to more posts - at least one a week. Thanks for hanging in there! Veritable Material!