My cohort in crime has dusted off the easel. I’ll post a link to his site again when it’s done renovations. Until then, his stuff will appear here with permission.

Just because I have been under the radar doesn’t mean I’ve lost my Mangneticism. Not only does Manglish jump out at me like a zit on an ass, but my friends and readers help, too. Here are their zits. Let’s pop them together, shall we?

1.) From reader Jim Holt, who took it “in Yangshuo, near Guilin.”

Marlboro, like Mickey Mouse and adidas, is one of the most mangled brands worldwide. In their defense, however, it’s a hard name to get phonetically - it sounds like you’re gargling marbles… or I guess they might be tumors. Anyway, they get a slight pass for it being hard. But wait - NO. Especially in China, where even preschools have smoking sections, they should have gotten this. No free pass. Good find, Jim!

2.) Reader Arlen Trichardt sends in these next two from across the pond. “I thought these Manglish submissions would help you out, the thing that makes them unique is that they’re both from locations in central London. The one with the delivery van was taken near Paddington Green, and the “exit” light was taken inside a mall called the Trocadero near Picadilly (and subsequently removed about a week later!). ” Cheers, Arlen!

Man this is funny in a few ways. Can I laugh at this without being added to the No-Fly list?

You there - This area is only for people who exist! If you’re not going to exist, I suggest you go elsewhere.

3. Friend Rick Mann send in this beaut: “My girlfriend got her car serviced at Saturn of Santa Clara, and they gave her this hand-crank LED flashlight/cell phone charger for free. It comes with 3 or 4 adapter plugs to fit various cell phones (except, of course, USB).”

I didn’t catch this until looking at it a few times. Wasn’t Eternai the planet He-Man was from? Or did I just mangle that? Come to think of it, He-man’s slogan was kind of redundant - “By the power of Greyskull, I have the power!” But who’s going to correct He-man? He rode a frigging TIGER, people! Where the hell was I?

“convenient schlep and storage” I’d love to get my hands on a Yiddish-Chinese dictionary.

“..the light of diode will be darken with the past of time.” Isn’t that Confucious? or Confusious?

“Our company will not be responsible for the appeal relevant to refitted product.” Of course not - if I improve your crap, *I’m* responsible for the appeal, right?

“plug in slowly under the precondition of acknowledgement?” Sounds like a good alternative to “No means No.”

Dude, this packaging is resulting in inner confusion and causing useless. Not only is it confusing, it’s too self-deprecating. Come on, you’re not that bad - are you?

More coming very soon - thanks to everyone for your comments and submissions!

The one pervading wisdom of the human race has to be “Tempus Fugit.” Time Flies, they say, and they’re right. A minute ago, the summers lasted aeons.

I blinked my eyes, Jr. High. I blink again, High School. Again, College. Then working, then 400 pounds, then China. Here’s where whoever’s driving the Time Bus decides to get stupid.

The last time I had to really reflect, I had just fought in the US Open, 336 lbs - can’t wait to tell you more about that by the way - and after another blink, I’m married, a hundred lbs lighter, and now THREE kids, two of whom speak two languages and one who’s already taking digital pics. Weren’t you just in diapers?

This is not my beautiful wife - this is not my beautiful car. The phrase should really be “Tempus Propero,” or “Time Accelerates.” Because not only is it pulling us through existence at an astounding pace, it’s getting faster.

And faster. I guess there’s nothing to do but hold on to each other for dear life.

That song “100 years” is depressing as hell (”I’m 33 - for a moment,”) because it covers an entire life in three minutes. But when it’s all done for us, will it feel even that long?

In the last conversation with my Grandma Burnie, I told her time flies. She sighed, and replied, “Where did it all go? In my head, I’m still nineteen.” She was eighty.

After you have kids, and when you come up from dank diaperage to breathe fresh air, you feel really mortal. I’m blessed, happy, fulfilled, even.

However, and unfortunately, as they say: This, too, will pass. Drink it up, men, it’s long after ten.