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“Strength is Happiness. Strength is itself victory. In weakness and cowardice there is no happiness. When you wage a struggle, you might win or you might lose. But regardless of the short-term outcome, the very fact of your continuing to struggle is proof of your victory as a human being.” — Daisaku Ikeda

“The first and best victory is to conquer self;” — Plato

A year ago, I was worried about a slight weight gain as we left for China.

Today, I weigh a LOT more. What the hell happened?

“We just had a kid,” I thought. “It’s sympathy weight. Or maybe it’s the stress of landing work and doing work.” I blamed my wife, my traveling, the Holidays, my friends. “I can’t fast on my trip / during the wedding / during BootCamp.” I blamed my apartment’s proximity to an otaku-with-a-sweet-tooth’s wet dream. “I’ll start on Monday / after I finish this Halloween candy / when I eat all the cake I just bought.” I rationalized, I sulked, I ignored. And guess what? The problem didn’t go away.

This is called the downward spiral; a feedback loop from which few escape. Bad habits cause bad feelings which spur bad habits ad nauseam. Instead of looking the problem square in the eye, I played dumb. “I know, I know – don’t worry. I’m on it.” That’s what I said to everyone, but in reality, I had no visibility into how bad the problem had gotten. I had a rough idea (two pants sizes) but the spiral was slow, and so tasty. The spiral is a reactive, animal thing. Creatures are dragged around by their instincts without choice, but as humans, we can choose. We don’t always do it, but we can.

Commercial pilots can make over 200k per year, but computers can take off and land planes pretty easily now. So why are they paid so much?

They’re not paid for the good times. They’re paid for disaster; for the hope that in the split second between death and life, they can apply their training and do the weird thing, the counterintuitive thing, the human thing. To turn into a spiral, breaking the cycle and freeing the plane.

In a car, driving on ice, sliding around, about to crash – anyone would slam on the brakes, sealing their doom. Someone pilot-like could apply the gas and perhaps save everyone. That’s what a pilot does. And that’s why they’re so valuable. When needed, they do the weird thing.

It doesn’t matter how much you’ve screwed up, slacked off, shirked duty. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last worked out, saw the dentist, went to an AA meeting. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve fallen. Wallowing is the spiral. The only decision before you is : “What do I do right now to save my ass?”

And so it’s with a pissed determination I activate the “fasten your meat belts” sign. I’m pulling myself out of this spiral. If you’re in the same boat, join me. Let’s be humans.