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Spread the Ugh.

After discovering the goatse clock, I had to explain it to my lovely wife (in PJs on the right.) My friend Sandy had also not seen the iconic image. So what did I do? I jumped at the chance to assuage my pain. It’s like “The Ring,” the only way to live is to show it to someone else. When the whole world has been Goatse’d, maybe we can all go back to being normal.

So what did my wife say when she saw the picture? What did her humble sheltered mainland Chinese upbringing bring to the table? What did her stark Cantonese view of the world lend to her reaction? What did her Chinese disdain for all things gwailo have to say? What could she possibly have said when viewing the grossest picture of all time?

“Is that you?”

[stunned silence] “What?”

“That’s you, right?”

“wha – NO THAT’S NOT ME. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

“What?” [squints at the monitor] “That’s NOT you?”

“Of course the GOATSE guy is not ME – What’s your problem?”

“Well, he’s wearing a ring. I don’t know.”

It didn’t get any better from there. I guess my wife thinks I’m capable of being the GOATSE guy. I think I need to call Dr. Phil. How the hell do you recover from something like that? The worst part of it is she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, like, “Of course all Caucasians are capable of this depravity – it’s in your nature.”

NOTE: My daughter, though in the picture, did NOT see the GOATSE. Over my dead body and only then does that happen.

NOTE2: I will not show you the goatse. Find it yourself. Or better yet, don’t, and live your life to its fullest. Once seen, you diminish ever so slightly.

August 24th, 2006 | Category: Manglish

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