From: chinese <rahoisucks@hotmail.com>
“pls learn to respect chinese as we are trying very hard to use english, your language, to communicate with your white dumbs who don’t even know a single of word mandarin.”
It’s good to have fans. It’s been a while since my last post, and things are hectic here in the DMZ, the lost land between China and the West, where my Anglo side fights my Asian better half to the death do us part. Expect more frequent posts if I win. It doesn’t help that in Chinese, what I do is called “playing computer.” Even when I’m working, she thinks I’m slacking - I think my wife would respect me more if I was a coal miner.
Starbucks has nothing on the God of Coffee. (submitted by Paul from Chicago, who says, “maybe this would help parishioners stay awake during the sermons.”) Have you ever seen a cow or a 3-toed sloth? I think God drinks decaf.
How do I know if I have a chattel? Is it anything like Rickets?
Swift as lightning - in other words, fast. BLOG WHAT I LOVE TO BLOG!
Mineral water? Um, guys - this is a mop. Akin to calling a toothbrush “natural saliva.”
Screw the Transformers, I’m calling the AD HOC FIGHTERS! They don’t sound too organized, though. Is it like a flash mob?
How come my Oreos never wished me well? Ingrates.
Not only is this a fragrant crispy entry, apparently the theme is “Pieces.” And below that? “Excellent dose of delicious food adds onions. Crispy crispy good flavour.” But what the HELL is that soup? Are those KIWI???
Thank god I got these panties on the rack and not off of a live 13 year old. I’m too pretty for prison. In jail, they don’t need ecial occasis to have their own fragrant crispy entry.
I added the purple line to show how off-kilter the text was, and besides that, they misspelled their core business. Saatchi and Saatchi, they’re not.
Right next to the πrada bags.
I think these are ECNALAB WEN shoes. TI OD TSUJ.
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Lygia // Apr 20, 2006 at 7:20 am
You definantly do not suck! You Rock! I have missed you terribly. I have lost 10 lbs. just laughing at your blog! I don’t see any of what you do as making fun of. You are totally invested in the chinese culture and seem very well rounded, AND FUNNY! That’s my take on your blog! Keep up the good work!!
2 Lygia // Apr 20, 2006 at 7:21 am
You definantly do not suck! You Rock! I have missed you terribly. I have lost 10 lbs. just laughing at your blog! I don’t see any of what you do as making fun of. You are totally invested in the chinese culture and seem very well rounded, AND FUNNY! That’s my take on your blog! Keep up the good work!!
3 Fox1 // Apr 21, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Good stuff Jon. The comments on the “ecial occasi” photo made me shoot semi-chewed carrot chunks out my nose. I know the standard complement involves a beverage, but this was messier and… far more painful, so I think that makes it even better.
I read through the vast majority of your archive a couple weeks ago, and it’s kind of sad what a large percentage of the comments are angry folks busy not getting it. Your writing deserves better recognition than that, here’s hoping you can wrangle a way to spend more time on the blog!
4 The same gal from the Bronx // Apr 22, 2006 at 4:01 am
wuahahhahahaaha why should be pissed with others’ opinion. Life is too short. I make fun of myself too, otherwise noone does that LOL. Like Lygia said, I lost weight also (more than 10 KGS) just cos i read your blog and laugh too hard every second. wuahahahhahahhahahhaha
5 K. A. Zei // Apr 24, 2006 at 2:18 pm
What product is “Swift as Lightning–FAST!”??? You can never tell what the products are from the label.
The mop water: LOL WHAT I WANT TO LOL
6 K. A. Zei // Apr 24, 2006 at 2:32 pm
In Lunar New Year celebrations in January in China, 120 million rural peasants traveled to and from cities via jam-packed trains, despite meager restroom facilities. As a result, according to a Reuters dispatch, there was a massive holiday run on adult diapers. [CNN-AP, 1-26-06] [BBC News, 1-24-06]
So Mr Rahoi …? Please, I’m dying to know what adult diapers are called in China. Please play more computer, make more picture words funny! Find those diapers. You have a mission now.
On with the accusations of racism!!! COMMENT WHAT I WANT TO COMMENT
7 Maven // Apr 25, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Your affection and enjoyment of China and Chinese culture shines in your posts…well at least I get that. It doesn’t make me think less of China and the Chinese, but it does illustrate the intolerance of the westerners who read your blog JUST to find things to bitch about. Keep up the good work, you’ve earned a new loyal reader today.
8 welding electrodes // Nov 8, 2007 at 7:01 pm
So Mr Rahoi …? Please, I’m dying to know what adult diapers are called in China. Please play more computer, make more picture words funny! Find those diapers. You have a mission now.
9 Luc // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:32 am
My wife is from Shunde (right next to Foshan), and in a few months we’ll be there for a 1 month vacation. Can’t wait to get back there!
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