It was a night like any other – people inviting us out to a steakhouse. We get there, we are seated in a private room. All was well. Niceties aside, we prepare to order. I ask my wife what I should get. She says, “Go ahead and look at the menu – it’s in English.”
“Oh Really?”
I started out chuckling, then got progressively louder each time.
Yeah, that sounds like a bargain item.
“I think I’ll have the cowboy pick, or maybe the cowboy LEG?!?! I really wish I could shit you.”
What’s in a rurality salad? Country Music and buckshot?
I was so stunned by the English blunders herein, I had to buy the menu from them. Can you imagine the scene when that happened? I’ll never forget it. They couldn’t decide whether to be flattered or confused.
The Bcabe’s connected to the… um…
Can I get Retchup on the side?
I’m not quite that hungry, thanks.
Um… Is this vegetarian, then?
I didn’t know cucumbers had feet, let alone hooves.
what’s with all the verbs? But man, you had me at sweet and sour bone.
Bartender, I’ll have the usual!
wow, they love their cowboy meat here.
hold the foliage please.
Am I the only one turned on now? Guys? Anyone?
1 article pot: hometown? what the shit?
the scorn adds that little extra kick.
Nah, I think I’ll just have a Papsi.
maybe they should eat more words plum.
I’m starting to get nauseous at this point, but I’m still laughing. It gets better.
Wow – glad to know there are three “ignedients,” but what ARE THEY?
Aren’t these kung fu moves?
Is this like supersizing or what?
Do French Crips do drive-bys as well?
Do I order this or agree with it?
Does anyone order the “Strange Flavour of inside Freasure?”
man fruit? is that a euphemism?
Double boiled frog for dessert? does that come ala commode?
mordacity: a disposition to biting. Well, I should hope so. It’s a PIZZA – does it come in suppository form?
well, then, what the hell is it?
black bowel and cowboy leg? Add candlelight and you have yourself a date.
Isn’t this a show on CBS?
I passed on this.
lol. just pure lol.
how do you numb vegetables? and what’s fuck silk? satin?
What happens if I get that to go?
and with that, I’m stuffed. Duck Bukkake always makes me feel full.
My aunt was offered “wegtable walls”. She shouted, “OYSTER BALLS???? I didn’t even know they had balls.
The fact that gan often becomes “fuck” in translation is also why the infamous “do not want” Star Wars subtitles have the word “fuck” in them so much. I believe “do not want” itself comes from the fact that there’s no direct Chinese translation of “no” as an exclamation. I always enjoy bad translations, both to and from English, and have made my fair share myself. This is one of the best I’ve seen.
Incidentally, who’s betting that the vast majority of people crying racism are white?
Yeah brother! You tell them dirty chinese how to speak the white man’s beautiful heavenly language. Fuck, just because they from Japan or something doesnt mean they shouldnt know English, hell, they are inferior though so they wont be able to speak the beautiful white mans language. Good goin brother!
Anonymous (150): If you return to Gremany, don’t forget to visit Ausfahrt.
So, if an American massacres Spanish or French or Chinese, it’s ok to make fun?
Seriously, it’s funny on it’s own merits. There is no racism in that. No more than there is elitism in watching a video of some guy being hit in the nads by a golf ball.
Even animals designated non-sentient show humorous responses to clumsiness or the inability to communicate. We should laugh when it’s appropriate, and judge when it’s appropriate. But above all, have a sense of humor, okay? Seriously.
I fall down, it’s funny. YOU fall down, it’s hilarious.
O. M. F. G. I think I hurt myself. I still can’t breathe. I laughed so hard I gave myself a headache. Or maybe it’s an aneurysm. Time to call an ambulance…
Hey, it’s not only over there. One of my favorite Sushi/Chinese restaurants opened up another location and I had to giggle when I read the menu. One of the items included “special chef sauce”.
I confess, I had to take a break in the middle because I was laughing so hard I was about to hyperventilate. But, I can see how it could be so mis-translated. In addition to the machine translation, English is so irregular (without even including colloquial-isms and slang) that it’s not surprising that translations are so botched.
oh my god i forgot about this, someone showed me it last year sometime and i came across it again in my bookmarks just now. i have never laughed so much in my life
I have to agree with the previous post. I also forgot about it. A colleague asked if I still had the link to that funny menu translation page, and I did. The entire office (5 persons) were standing around the computer. I was laughing so much that it hurt in the stomach! This is a good energy booster at the end of the day!
Baaaaaah so glad i found this again, still freakin funny, Thank you Thank Youuu.
GONNA GO SPREAD THE LAUGHTER !
“So, if an American massacres Spanish or French or Chinese, it’s ok to make fun? ”
Yes. There’s probably pages like this on Spanish, French and Chinese language websites doing just that.
LMAO AHAHAHHAHAA
i love the last 3 ones.
i’m still crying… oh shit for real i haven’t laughed this hard in a LONG time, brilliant! i need some fuck silk to wipe my eyes!
=)) EPIC!
my favourties are the “fuck” ones. xD
hope u dont mind if i put a link to this page on my blog.
I just want to say thank you!!!!!!! that was the funniest thing I have ever read. You made my day. Though with the tears running down my face I had to stop half way through too settle down, cheers
Who’s funny? Who’s dirty? Who’s stupid? Obviously, that’s Google translation, the stupid technology! Don’t you see that?
A Chinese restaurant (餐厅) translates 餐厅 into English as “Translate Server Error”
Stupid Google can never ever translate Chinese into English properly.
“White power says:
May 27, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Yeah brother! You tell them dirty chinese how to speak the white man’s beautiful heavenly language. Fuck, just because they from Japan or something doesnt mean they shouldnt know English”
Yeah, you tell all those Chinese people from Japan…. oO
_
Pure lol, they weren’t even trying when they came up with the menu.
Hi White power:
I think you need a “fuck goods” to block up your mouth fullfill with racialism.
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
posting a reply to flood the White Power ’s garbage…
The funniest bit is where Americans talk about speaking English, as though they have the least idea.
Thanks for this menu! I was laughing so hard last night that my stomach was hurting! Good thing I wasn’t wearing makeup at the time, all those tears would have messed it up.
How did you keep a straight face at the restaurant in front of your wife and friends?
Wow, indeed very interesting examples of menu errors.
We are trying to find partners to help translate our extensive culinary dictionnary – available for free at http://www.restolingua.com – into chinese (simplified and traditional). Looking for serious professional candidates only. We started this work 22 years ago and want to add many more languages. Love eating, know languages, join us!
Thank you again for this perfect examples of how it should not be!
is a site, which contain information about decorative surgery in NY.
this is hilarious! i figured, though, that i also ought to inform you: those chinese take out menus? moo shoo and chow mein? yeah, the chinese actually massacre the names themselves, for you, because God knows what abominations you culture-illiterate little apes will come up with.
Thank you. Made the mistake of reading this at work and in trying so hard to stifle my laughter, I’ve actually had the odd tear appear. My colleagues must think I’ve lost the plot.
Though I do have a lot sympathy for this though as the languages are so different, however, it still incredibly funny.
Oh, and ‘white power’, you inbred f**kwit with eyes so close you no longer have depth perception, go back to your barn and sleep with that gestalt entity otherwise known as your mother/sister/family cow. It surprises me me you know how to use a computer.
Somewhere there is either an earnest soul with a not-very helpful Chinese-to-English dictionary trying to do their very best to succeed in a strange and foreign land, or a very canny soul with good English skill who knows that we find bad English in Chinese menus hysterical. Either way…how was the food?
I loved it.
I’m shaking in bed trying to stop myself laughing. Ooops, just woke up the wife.
I’m sure we have mistakes in our menu, but not as enjoyable as these ones. I would love to put a link to your article on my site if you would allow me.
To White Power:
Kindly get your fucking ‘facts’ straight. These people are Chinese. Not Japanese. And just for your information, being white does not equal having the ability to speak proper English. For one, you profess to be white (that’s what you imply) but you yourself have terrible punctuation and some of your grammar is pretty inaccurate.
And not being white doesn’t mean that the person can’t speak proper English. I, for example, am a fourteen year old female Singaporean. I’m not white, and I, for the matter of fact, am Chinese by race.
While I must laugh at the absurdity of the translations, I cannot help but feel indignant at you people who try to make fun of them, especially in your way. They happen to be born and bred in China, and naturally Chinese is not their native language. Thus, it is not fair to blame them for not being able to master some foreign language that is completely different from their own. At least they tried.
After all, if you think they can’t use English properly, you can’t either. You have grammar mistakes, and your punctuation went out of the window. Please try to be nice, and take heed of your own limitations before dissing someone like that when it’s not fault.
As a Singaporean of the Chinese race, I can only feel angry at such people who fault them for not being fluent in a foreign language. It’s fine to laugh at such hilarity, but not to publicly defame them.
At first I was laughing my absolute head off, and I was half screaming and laughing at 2 o’clock in the morning. Then I was suddenly upset when I searched thoroughly and couldn’t find my old favorite dish….Sinew to pig liver sponge immerses bowels the chicken ear of retchup.
A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
‘ My darring, ‘ he whispers, ‘ I know dis you firss time and you berry
flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want? ‘ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘ I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls… Numbaa 69. ‘
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her, ‘ You want… Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?”
Jermaine’s comment was even funnier than the menu, Thanks, I needed that
very interesting n creative…..liked it!!
To White power:
You are white, as your name implies. You expect the “dirty Chinese from Japan or something” to be able to know English, but contradict yourself by saying that they are inferior and that they will not be able to speak English.
And what has happened to you? Look at your post, it is lacking in punctuation and has several grammatical and spelling errors, as well as no capitalisation. You yourself cannot type English correctly, much less speak it.
Race has nothing to do with mastery of a language. I myself am a Singaporean Chinese, and not only is English my favourite subject, I am also adept at it.
It is instead the environment of a country. Imagine a White being born in China, and has his education there. In China, not only is the society a Mandarin-speaking one, which means a lack of areas in which to use English. So the White will grow up with a native Chinese accent and will neither speak nor write with much, if even any difference.
Moreover, the students there only start learning English at 11 years of age.
I do agree that English is a beautiful language, but it has been spoilt by losers like you who throw in vulgarities incessantly and use it as a medium for spreading racism.
Now let me ask you this.
What if it were the other way round?
What if Mandarin were the international language, and the Chinese criticise you for not being able to speak their language and call you a dirty white man? I am sure that you will not be pleased at that, just as the Chinese would not be very pleased at what you say. Let me also remind you that China is constantly improving itself with the number of scams and such crimes going down steadily. China’s “yuan” (dollar) might even one day overtake the US Dollar and replace it as the international currency for trading.
Judging from the way you type your post, I can see that you might be American, and let me remind you that America falls behind Asian countries academically, because you lazy asses sit around all day, which your fellow countrymen have told the world.
And what is the thing that causes all the errors in the menu?
It’s none other than Google Translate!
The restaurant(s) just didn’t think of asking a Chinese university graduate to translate for them the dish names, which I trust he or she would do a great, if not borderline understandable translation.
By the way, to the author of this post, the “Man Fruit” is the fruit of the Grosvenor Momordica, a perennial plant which grows mainly in Guilin, China.
It is used to make a popular brew together with longan.
“Every form rape” was the cincher for me, even though I started laughing from “Cowboy leg”.
yeah the rape was my fav part too…it always is….Never ordered it at a restaurant though…..
This place is full of trolls..
I don’t believe anyone is who they claim..
Singaporean Chinese? If so, then why would you even be reading this article? “White Power” was being overly sarcastic, and if anyone is going to criticize anyone, they should be sure to check their own spelling, grammar, and punctuation very carefully before clicking the “Submit” button.
I personally am not fluent in anything but English, I’ve studied Spanish, French, & Latin. But regardless of my proficiency in any of them I wouldn’t try to argue about anything with anyone in the language.
Sadly, and sometimes funnily enough, someone can know English for many years and still speak like a foreigner, some things are small enough to where people don’t point them out to you, but simply accept them and mentally note that the person isn’t a native speaker. I’ve noticed an exceptional amount of grammatical and spelling error s on this page… Some can be attributed to typing errors, but others are just ignorance.
I halfway want to think that the comments written that claim to be from Chinese are simply trolls stirring up trouble, but then again, from some of the grammar mistakes I’m inclined to think they may actually be serious. Ken Kant sure has a dirty mouth for a fourteen year old girl. The last thing is, Darryl, are you serious? Either the two of you are trolling hard, or I’ve found two people who have fewer beneficial things to do with their time than me.
On another note, Jermaine, you made me laugh, bravo!
Every Form Rape… that’s so funny it sound almost fake.
LOL
I’d like some Ever form Rape to go, and some fuck salt (with a beautiful pole) on the side
[...] May I Take Your Order – a comprehensive list of wacky menu [...]
Translations gone wrong…
This link is so funny…translations of Chinese restaurant m ……
The thing that’s really funny is when white Americans from the south and the northeast and the midwest talk, and they have these god-awful accents that make them sound like ignorant yokels and mafioso.
Also, even though they’re god-knows how old, they still spell like 7 year olds. And their handwriting is like chicken scratch. That’s such a complete riot, all you can do is point and laugh in their faces.
We should all be able to laugh at our human foibles, but if you want to viciously mock other people’s accents and common mistakes, be prepared to get it right back.
“Darryl says:
November 2, 2009 at 2:52 am
By the way, to the author of this post, the “Man Fruit” is the fruit of the Grosvenor Momordica, a perennial plant which grows mainly in Guilin, China.
It is used to make a popular brew together with longan.”
So, just so I am sure I have this straight, one is supposed to drink the juice of the man fruit?
“The thing that’s really funny is when white Americans from the south and the northeast and the midwest talk, and they have these god-awful accents that make them sound like ignorant yokels and mafioso.”
I’m with you on the “making fun of foreign accents is stupid,” but making fun of regional accents is just as bad. People speak how they’re taught growing up. Someone whose second language is English has to be taught to speak without an accent, and many just never can. The same’s true of regional accents. Some people can learn how to mimic a “general American” accent, but some people can’t.
“I’m with you on the “making fun of foreign accents is stupid,” but making fun of regional accents is just as bad.”
I wasn’t really making fun of regional accents (which I agree is just as stupid as making fun of foreign accents). I was just pointing out, to those who make fun of other people’s accents, what it might be like to have others make fun of yours right back.
whys you guys cowboys steak laughing at in menus win in country? If i immerses living balls in master wang comes kong fu you qient jadeite. Stop moisten cocouat dilicious chinese because whet the almonds geng type plagiarism our menu balls. peaceful cowboy dont laugh celery others fry cow silt.