When our taxi pulled up to this amusement park in Guangzhou, I almost dry-humped the driver. What could this wonderful world possibly hold for me? i am but a poor sinner with a camera.
apparently there are 5 parts to the park: English Street, an area for kids to learn our wunderbar language. Spaceflight Spectacle, an exhibit of Aerospace exploits of China and the world. (China takes credit for a great many things. I didn’t see Goddard’s name once, but then again, I didn’t read everything they had up.) A Movie theater, perhaps playing movies about said exploits. A pond with spinning boats you can rent. No lifejacket required. And a huge hill, atop which sits a replica of the shuttle Atlantis in front of a nasty green waterfall. There’s hardly anything inside the park except these extremely unrelated things.
The first thing to know about Chinese amusement parks is that they’re dilapidated. It always depresses me to no end when I go to a park and there’s one section that’s totally run down, unused, with all of the bright colors ceded to blues, rust, and dirt. It’s an everlasting record of someone aiming too high.
It’s the middle of Chinese New Year holiday. It’s 80 degrees, it’s Saturday, and the place is EMPTY. I don’t blame them - all of “attractions” are neglected and closed. English Street boasts a bevy, including an English Salon and English Karaoke. Instead, they get an alley of State Fair stalls made of planks and flaky paint that no one’s sat in in a hundred years. The only remains are signs posted everywhere with basic english phrases and their Chinese translations.
The only problem is these appear to have been made by someone reading an English text in a very dark room, or through cataracts. Besides the plain mistakes, there are some very curious pieces of clip art attached.
And in some cases, it could be really misinterpreted.
but they’re all great. I wanted to take them down and preserve them. Most are faded, torn, and weatherbeaten, but still legible.
As with all manglish, what in the HELL were they thinking? I wouldn’t dream of writing instructions on Basic Chinese unless I knew for sure what I was writing. I’d check it ten times, pass it by a few native speakers, and only then press print. Either there’s one sick American expat gleefully approving terrible English, or they’re too freewheeling with their laser printers.
I’m frightened of that kid. How long did what last?
isn’t this the opposite of “no pain, no gain?”
Your english su
cks
yeah, I’m not sure either. Of anything.
6 responses so far ↓
1 K. A. Zei // Apr 17, 2006 at 6:57 pm
“You deserve it”… a kick in the ass from the really angry guy!!! And what’s up with the cheesy Frenchmen in berets and Peter Lorre (sp?) moustache?
those are great, you should get an award for timecapsuling those.
2 Anonymous // Jul 19, 2006 at 11:52 am
I just lost my juice all over the keyboard. These were AWESOME!
3 Anonymous // Aug 16, 2006 at 3:03 am
Sweetness! I’ve been here before, but didn’t have a camera. I taught English at a primary school outside Guangzhou (Panyu) a few years and actually went with the whole school on a fieldtrip. There were, I’d say about 6 different schools there, so roughly a few thousand kids. I had a much different experience than you did I’m sure.
First we went into the Space History “museum.” Then up the big hill to the giant shuttle replica and took some photos.
Inside the Space Movie place they had big screens and about 4 spaceship things which were metal platforms with seats that moved around and shook while the movie showed low quality graphics of flying through space. Each one fit about 15 or 20 kids. I was a little bit frightened by the experience. I was pretty sure that some kid was going to fall off the thing and get mangled by the gears.
They also had a big model of a volcano going off. Picture a room-sized home-made volcano.
Yeah English Street is dope. I got to brush up on my English. Actually I don’t think I heard a word of English from anybody while I was there, besides the few people (or kids, I don’t remember) who talked to me. Oh yeah, I did here hello a few (hundred) times.
Then we had box-lunches cafeteria style. Rice and brown sauce mystery meat.
Overall, I had a pretty great time there. I haven’t thought about that trip in a while. Thanks for posting this.
-Anonymous
4 Anonymous // Sep 9, 2006 at 12:40 pm
How long did the sex last that produced this odious child? Was it worth it?
I love how irrelevant some of those signs are, like the one with three people walking around… not eating soup… with “This soup tastes great!” above them.
5 sooz // Sep 21, 2007 at 2:15 am
I have been lost on your wonderful pages for about three hours, I will be back… I had to keep it down though, ‘cus I’m the only one in the house with insomnia!
oh hey look! it’s getting light out!
thanks for the giggles!
6 Blargh // Jun 29, 2008 at 6:26 am
Oh LAWL
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