interstitial

check out this photo. is that a McDonald’s golden arch? what is it doing with “Mini Dog”?

the white chinese characters (traditional format) on red background say “authentic American Hot Dog”, then look closely: is that a dog photo next to the menu. I don’t know if they are actually selling REAL hot dogs.

Pic and commentary were sent by Tian at HanziSmatter, a great blog I’ve been reading for a long time that is essentially the opposite of the Busted English I’ve been posting here. It’s all about how we Westerners screw up the drawing and usage of Chinese characters. As a student of Asian languages, it appeals to me. It also balances out the criticism I’ve been spewing about the terrible English here. Turnabout is fair play. In fact, some trolls have been calling me “racist” and “ignorant.” Which leads me to respond, not by attacking, as some would, but to educate. Here are some things you may not know about me.

1. I have been studying Asian languages my entire adult life. I have a degree in Japanese, speak Cantonese well, can understand some Mandarin, and have spent time learning Hindi and Indonesian / Malay. I dream in these languages.

2. I am married to a Chinese woman. We have two children. We were married in China. At home we speak Cantonese. My daughter speaks very little English.

3. I have studied both Karate and Chinese Kung Fu for many years. I prefer chopsticks to a fork for most things, and not because I think it makes me look cool. I remove my shoes when I enter a house and I tend to actively listen (grunt agreement) like a Japanese woman. I prefer the Asian toilet, most Asian food, and Asian movies.

4. My father-in-law is a famous kung fu teacher and lion dancing coach here in China. His son started as my kung fu teacher in America. He brought me to China, I met his sister, you’re watching the happily-ever-after.

5. I have spent a lot of time in Asia. I live in China part of almost every year. I would live here full time if my wife would let me. I’m halfway towards making this a reality.

6. I love China. I love that we in America are different than them. I respect their old, mature culture. I have adopted many Chinese customs willingly, and others were forced on me. I’m the better for it.

7. I love America, and Western Culture. I love that we’re different than them. I respect our fresh, wildly independent culture. I have retained many American customs, and have instilled some in others.

8. I have a sense of humor. Cantonese people are very straight-shooting. If you heard a TENTH of the things they say about us (whites, blacks, Americans, etc.,) you’d be yelling all the way to the ACLU. Or does that only happen if the speaker is white? I give as well as I take, and none of it can possibly be racist when I actually prefer life here. The people are friendly, genuine, and spirited. It’s safe, besides eating bones in every bite of food, and life here is very engaging.

9. I play up the differences for comedic effect. I may come off as pedantic and nitpicky, but I happen to love the English language, and when it gets mangled, I think it’s funny.

10. I have committed the very sin I’m documenting here: At my wedding party, in front of over 200 people, I was asked to speak in Cantonese. “Tell us what you like about your wife,” they said.

With my then-limited Cantonese I said “She’s beautiful, has a great heart, everyone likes her, and her parents are great.” And then I added, “Her and I are very comfortable.”

The place erupted into laughter. My wife turned bright red and the emcee eventually was able to calm the crowd. The next day, her friend Betty told me I was the funniest guy she’d ever met.

“What the hell are you talking about?”
“What you said last night – so funny! Who told you to say that?”
“Say what? I said her and I are very comfortable together.”
“No – you didn’t say ‘together.’ That’s why it’s so funny – you didn’t know?”
“Nonononono – wait a minute – what did I actually say?”
“when they asked you what you liked most about your wife, you said, basically, ‘WE HAVE GREAT SEX!’”

So you see, folks, it takes one to know one! More coming soon!