One of the benefits of having a wonderful new 500mm lens is that the normally gawky Southern Chinese can finally give me a shot besides an open-mouthed stare. It’s hard to be a photographer when you stick out so much. Imagine Shaq coming to Union square and trying to get crowd pics. So I’m dedicating this trip to capturing the wonderful people I see all around me. Yes, I’ll heckle, but I do it out of love.

I know exactly how you feel, kid.

oh yeah? here comes Atcion Man!

hey, get your face out of my ass!

is that what those folds are for? Again, direct all hate mail to me care of China.

Like Stockton and Malone, she’s great at the pick and roll.

I think this symbolizes all the Chinese nouveau-riche waiting for the San Francisco Bay Area real estate bubble to pop so they can turn Hunter’s Point into Chinatown South.

this picture is much funnier if you make the “curious caveman” sound like Tim Allen. In fact, I made that sound as I took this picture.

see previous comment.

I told you the 80s were back. It’s kind of nasty. Imagine Pat Benatar showing up with Liza Minelli and Markie Post, all strung out on meth and wearing the same clothes they wore to the last People’s Choice awards they attended. Then make them colorblind.

when attempting to look rough, avoid berets or beret-like hats at all costs. These guys could double for Robert Downey Jr. and his tool friend in Weird Science. I’ll be Chet. Now all we need is a Chinese Kelly leBrock.

Laughably, my brother-in-law insists there are no homosexuals in China. This however, is evidence he may be right. I have a few gay friends this kind of fashion horror would kill instantly.

At first I thought, oh, a Caucasian kid with Chinese parents. Then I realized he is an Alchino. (Chinese Albino.)

Billie Jean Ching - I mean King. Or the Chinese Stephen King.

check out the air on that last guy. I wish i could have gotten a better vantage point. These guys deserve better pics. they were sick.

There has been a dramatic uptick in beggars here. They’re all from the north and there’s a fair amount of grumbling among the Southerners. I head they used to arrest all the homeless and kick them out of the city, but that law got repealed. Welcome to the first world, pals. It’s called Human Rights, and it comes with a price. Anyone know how to say “Anything helps, even a smile” in Chinese?

The Chinese are not religious per se, but they do go to temples on occasion. When they go, however, they have weird customs rooted in neither logic nor Buddhist dogma. This one is “If you throw a coin and hit a turtle on the head, you’ll have good luck.” It probably arose because “hit turtle head” is a homophone for “your company goes IPO.” Regardless, they gather around this pond and try to hit a huge statue of a turtle on its head. But alas, someone filled the pond with actual turtles. So people stand around during the week-long New Year’s celebration and hurl down coins at live animals with all their might. And there’s no cover; nowhere to hide. And they’re usually swimming. I bet this is already a Japanese game show.

Lion dancing is not easy. And it’s much harder to be the ass.

People hire my Father-in-law’s Lion dancing team to ring in the new year (or for any auspicious occasion) for good luck and prosperity. In this case, they brought in the team to bring luck to a mall. Then, the team went all through it, doing a routine in front of each store and collecting lucky money along the way. Can you imagine you’re trying on a nice new blouse and in barge two guys in a lion costume while a cacophony of drums and cymbals cover your screams?

I couldn’t fit this anywhere else - I just liked this pic. So there. It’s my site.