long post means much has happened. I’ll keep it as brief as I can - wife is waiting and kids are finally asleep. Don’t make me spell it out.

I arrived in HK safely with my buddy Igor, still fasting and relatively intact.

I never thought eating would fill me with such trepidation. Nay, let’s call it abject fear. In my mind’s eye, I pictured myself instantly regaining all the weight I’ve lost (111 lbs) in a flurry of tearing clothes and fart sounds. It didn’t happen.

wife was SHOCKED when she saw me. Tatiana didn’t recognize me, but knew me by my voice. She gave me a big, if hesitant, hug. And my 6-month-old son thinks I’m hired help. I caught my wife’s shock on tape. She then spent the next few days trying to convince me to refatten back to 280 lbs. Fat chance! (sorry about that one.)

two great tastes that belong together.

there are many ways to protect one’s yard.

Under “Seasonal Fruit Dishes”, they list brands of cigarettes. “These strawberries taste like grandma’s tracheotomy hole!”

Hong Kong at night wins. hands down.

My nephew is the talk of the town. He is cleaning up in the new year red-envelope-grab.

This sounds like a Sikh Food Fight.

then what the hell is a bargain for?

it’s only a store, fokker.

he’s still the man here. That makes me The-Man-In-Law.

If this reads right to you, try again. All Aboard!

even at my goal weight, I may never be that flexible.

I missed them like one would miss a lung.

what would make someone walk by this bin and say, “Honey? How about we stay in and fry up some scorpions?”

Should the next word be “here” or “elsewhere?”

I wouldn’t dream of it…

Best. backpack. ever. It also doubles as a hamper.

When your product is food, aren’t quality and taste the same exact thing?

northern chinese bum, writes long missive in chalk, expects rewards, gets zero. In the US he’d already have been in two Soundgarden videos.

My expat friend Mark in HK. His Mandarin makes my Cantonese look like your Basque. He took us to the best dumpling place ever.

so what am I supposed to do: get in the way?

i love how the logo is two yellow spheres nestled close together. In fact, I really love it.

Corn with Beacon? You’re insane! And while we’re at it, just toss out a WTF? for each of the other pizzastrosities. And only here would Buttered Toast be in the same category.

That last sentence shits all over English Grammar.

the 80s are IN here, BIG TIME.

I wonder if they know that 361 degrees is another way of saying 1 degree. Well, in a circle, anyway…

Still waiting - okay, wrapping this up…

exercise the power NOW

I might have to get this on a poster - what the hell else do you use your brain for? ballast?

In Mong Kok - the word throng just pales.

This one has it all - a vague yet intriguing command, a little-used-in-Amwerican-English word, and an evocative but mildly disgusting mascot. Good Times.

I leave them for a few months, and my daughter learns an entire language, how to ride a bike, and good manners. I have several bachelor friends who should come here and do the same,