I’m as sick as a dog right now. I’ve been to two “hospitals” so far and my family is on my ASS to take better care of myself. I told them, “I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs, I work out daily, and I’ve lost almost 50 lbs this year.” Their retort? “But you always wear shorts and you don’t use a blanket at night, so you get cold.” Their solution to everything is to put on more clothes. When my daughter had a temp of 100º, my mom-in-law put on two shirts, a sweater, and a vest. It was 80º outside. I keep ramming my head against the same wall. Tatiana, Jordon, my dad and I were all sick at the same time to varying degrees. They don’t see a connection. Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?

I can’t breathe through my nose right now, and I have an ear infection, so one ear is blocked, like my flight is landing and it hasn’t popped yet. So I can’t smell, taste, or hear well. It’s its own special kind of hell. Imagine being in the Chocolate Factory with Willy Wonka and Charlie and not being able to taste ANYTHING. I mean zero. I’m the Helen Keller of food right now.

This is going on its third day now and it’s almost unbearable. I eat, and receive signals distantly, as if someone in the next room is yelling, “okay, this is sweet!” “This one is bitter!” But I don’t taste it. I was taken to a great, famous steakhouse in Kowloon week before last, when I had a spot of the same thing - taste bud brownout. I ate a whole steak and tasted nothing. It had a good texture, and I was full, but only later, when I blew my nose, did a blast of garlic break through. My eyes watered it was so powerful. Til then, though, it was lost on me.

Since I’m blind to tastes, smells, and half of what I hear, my other senses are becoming more acute, namely that of touch and sight. So I guess this means there will never be a better time to masturbate.