popped in to Ranch 99 to try and find an alternative to the feeding frenzy that is Chinatown. The prices, while good compared to Safeway, are at least double those in Chinatown for everything. Too bad - I can see more double-parking in my future. While I was poking around the 99, I found the following fresh deli selections particularly eye-catching:

• Cold Marinated Beef - nothing better than cold sauce, right?

• Beef Leg Tendon - when that neck tendon just doesn’t satisfy…

• Slices of Pork Stomach - as if head cheese wasn’t bad enough…

• Spicy Jellyfish - what, and cover that amazing jellyfish taste??

• Cold Bean Curd Noodle - nothing to add…

• Slices of Pork Ear - Pigcent Van Gogh (thanks - I’ll be here all week).

• Pork Melt - my all time favorite - here are the recursive ingredients:

What the hell is a Pork Melt??

I think if bums tasted any better, the Chinese could feed the world and solve the homeless problem in one fell swoop.