rahoi.com 

"I walk in and there is the usual wait. Can’t have two people on register? Nope. That means two people would have to speak English and why speak English when you're already fluent in Cantonese?"

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"My cat is Paranoid Scitzophrenic. He is Bipolar. Manic Depressive.
Maybe he is a she. Somehow that would make so much more sense.
I love that little fucker, but I think I am going to have to kill him."

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"Retrospect is a wonderful thing. In it, everything becomes crystal clear. Actions are seen in perfect, 20/20 vision. In retrospect, I never would have eaten that Burger King chicken sandwich. In retrospect, I would not have spent the night at your house the first time we had sex. Ah, retrospect. You came too late for me."

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"But if I was a man, making love to me, here’s what I’d do."

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"4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if that felt good. It does NOT FEEL GOOD."

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the whole collection - priceless