Saturday, February 07, 2004
Cody got the shakedown again! - driving on the same coastal road. The "police" must troll this road looking for Gwailo. This time, however, Cody didn't stop when asked. The first car enlisted the help of a motorcycle "officer" whose only insignia was a shirt saying, "Ecuador Tae Kwon Do." Captain kickboxer pulled his motorbike in front of Cody's car to force him to stop. Then the first cop jumped into cody's car. The following ensued:
FIRST COP: Let's see your license.
(Cody holds it out in a vice grip)
SECOND COP: Take it out.
CODY: No way in hell.
FIRST COP: You weren't wearing your seatbelt.
(Cody's points to his fastened seatbelt, still securely around his torso.)
SECOND COP: You just did that - you weren't wearing it.
CODY: No way - I always wear my seatbelt.
FIRST COP: Okay, let's go to the station.
CODY: Okay - just let me call my friend.
FIRST COP: no. you can call him from the police station.
(Five minutes of arguing ensues)
FIRST COP: Okay, follow us to the station and we can work it out.
(Cody agrees)
(Cop car turns right. Cody makes an illegal left and then reenacts "Ronin." He is not followed.)
MORE HIGHLIGHTS:
1.) At the beach, we three educated men, sportsfans & citizens of the world, all got sunburned because no females were there to rub the sunscreen on our backs. The same rule that prevents men from peeing near one another and asking for directions when lost also prohibits the rubbing of any lotions, cremes, or balms into male flesh. So as I'm crying myself to sleep after taking an excruciating shower, I can take comfort in the fact that my masculinity is still intact.
2.) I haven't seen tv in 9 days and don't even remotely miss it. This place is the only reality TV you will ever need. The tribe has spoken.
3.) Cody driving like a maniac here in the D.R. - he's been pulled over for non-shakedown related left turns several times. Invoking baseball usually posts bail.
4.) I have to buy gifts for every damn person I know - I haven't had time to find the true dominican gifts. In a town that has the following: Pizza Hut, KFC, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Domino's, Outback, Tony Roma's, Baskin Robbins, Haagen Dazs, Wendy's, and Home Depot, how are you supposed to find the real culture when ours is drowning it out? I hope my wife likes her Hello Kitty purse and tshirt from Wet Seal.
5.) Okay - actually I got my wife some Larimar. It's a beautiful stone that is only mined in the D.R. i bought it from a bitter Swiss expat who had super intense eyes and frowned a lot. http://www.larimarmuseum.com/ Don't give away the surprise!
6.) I am surprised by how my Spanish I understand. However, Cody's Spanish is ridiculous. He was a radio commentator for the home team during the playoffs. He appeared on local TV, national TV, and on venzuelan TV. He's been interviewed by many local papers, and by Verizon, a sponsor for the Series. All in Spanish. I bow before his Dragon.
7.) There is an American pitching coach here working for Licey. He always looks like Tom Berenger in Major League, frowning and shaking his head. He is baffled by the lax attitude the Dominicans have towards everything. He tells me that the Dominican Republic has 150 troops in Iraq, then says, "What the hell are they gonna do? I mean, What the HELL are they gonna do?" He always cracks us up.
8.) I voted for the Caribbean World Series All Star Team! I wonder if anyone will catch my votes for Moonlight Graham and Tom Selleck's character in "Mr. Baseball."
9.) Okay - here's a section that's a hot topic among those in attendance. REMINDER: I'm in love with my wife, and have been a very good boy on this trip. But I am still a man, and this place is remarkable. Cuba's main export is cigars, Jamaica's is reggae and Miss Cleo. Dominican Republic's should be Ass. I mean, this is The U.S.A. - United States of Ass. Round, hard asses. EVERYWHERE. Even the mannequins in the store windows have immense, perfect, cartoonish rumps. These assets are usually accompanied by others, equally round, and beautiful dark skin. The women here are incredible to look at. The level of talent here is unprecedented in all of my travels. Cody and I kept a count at the last two games, of only the STUNNING women who walked past our seats. Just the supermodel types. 27 yesterday and 26 so far this game. My wedding rings never left my finger. But as a man, an objective observer, I applaud you, Domincana!
10.) Reporters are dreading a tie-break game. most would have to change their travel plans. Even though it's paradise, it's tough to be away from home.
UPDATE:
The game is over, Dominican won (4-3, I think) and then everyone charged the field. I was there, taking pics and running around like a fool. I got some great shots of the crowd celebrating. The Dominican team, comprised of many major league all-stars, celebrated like they had won the real World Series. It was exhilarating and uplifting, until I met up with Cody. His wallet and cellphone had been stolen. His hand was in his pocket when someone reached in. He tried to elbow them, but when he moved just slightly, they were able to take the stuff out. As he told me this, I instinctively reached into my pocket. Yep, my wallet had been stolen too. My Driver's License and two credit cards were inside, along with receipts. luckily I had kept most of my money in another pocket, or like Cody said, we'd be handwashing windshields in the street.
FIRST COP: Let's see your license.
(Cody holds it out in a vice grip)
SECOND COP: Take it out.
CODY: No way in hell.
FIRST COP: You weren't wearing your seatbelt.
(Cody's points to his fastened seatbelt, still securely around his torso.)
SECOND COP: You just did that - you weren't wearing it.
CODY: No way - I always wear my seatbelt.
FIRST COP: Okay, let's go to the station.
CODY: Okay - just let me call my friend.
FIRST COP: no. you can call him from the police station.
(Five minutes of arguing ensues)
FIRST COP: Okay, follow us to the station and we can work it out.
(Cody agrees)
(Cop car turns right. Cody makes an illegal left and then reenacts "Ronin." He is not followed.)
MORE HIGHLIGHTS:
1.) At the beach, we three educated men, sportsfans & citizens of the world, all got sunburned because no females were there to rub the sunscreen on our backs. The same rule that prevents men from peeing near one another and asking for directions when lost also prohibits the rubbing of any lotions, cremes, or balms into male flesh. So as I'm crying myself to sleep after taking an excruciating shower, I can take comfort in the fact that my masculinity is still intact.
2.) I haven't seen tv in 9 days and don't even remotely miss it. This place is the only reality TV you will ever need. The tribe has spoken.
3.) Cody driving like a maniac here in the D.R. - he's been pulled over for non-shakedown related left turns several times. Invoking baseball usually posts bail.
4.) I have to buy gifts for every damn person I know - I haven't had time to find the true dominican gifts. In a town that has the following: Pizza Hut, KFC, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Domino's, Outback, Tony Roma's, Baskin Robbins, Haagen Dazs, Wendy's, and Home Depot, how are you supposed to find the real culture when ours is drowning it out? I hope my wife likes her Hello Kitty purse and tshirt from Wet Seal.
5.) Okay - actually I got my wife some Larimar. It's a beautiful stone that is only mined in the D.R. i bought it from a bitter Swiss expat who had super intense eyes and frowned a lot. http://www.larimarmuseum.com/ Don't give away the surprise!
6.) I am surprised by how my Spanish I understand. However, Cody's Spanish is ridiculous. He was a radio commentator for the home team during the playoffs. He appeared on local TV, national TV, and on venzuelan TV. He's been interviewed by many local papers, and by Verizon, a sponsor for the Series. All in Spanish. I bow before his Dragon.
7.) There is an American pitching coach here working for Licey. He always looks like Tom Berenger in Major League, frowning and shaking his head. He is baffled by the lax attitude the Dominicans have towards everything. He tells me that the Dominican Republic has 150 troops in Iraq, then says, "What the hell are they gonna do? I mean, What the HELL are they gonna do?" He always cracks us up.
8.) I voted for the Caribbean World Series All Star Team! I wonder if anyone will catch my votes for Moonlight Graham and Tom Selleck's character in "Mr. Baseball."
9.) Okay - here's a section that's a hot topic among those in attendance. REMINDER: I'm in love with my wife, and have been a very good boy on this trip. But I am still a man, and this place is remarkable. Cuba's main export is cigars, Jamaica's is reggae and Miss Cleo. Dominican Republic's should be Ass. I mean, this is The U.S.A. - United States of Ass. Round, hard asses. EVERYWHERE. Even the mannequins in the store windows have immense, perfect, cartoonish rumps. These assets are usually accompanied by others, equally round, and beautiful dark skin. The women here are incredible to look at. The level of talent here is unprecedented in all of my travels. Cody and I kept a count at the last two games, of only the STUNNING women who walked past our seats. Just the supermodel types. 27 yesterday and 26 so far this game. My wedding rings never left my finger. But as a man, an objective observer, I applaud you, Domincana!
10.) Reporters are dreading a tie-break game. most would have to change their travel plans. Even though it's paradise, it's tough to be away from home.
UPDATE:
The game is over, Dominican won (4-3, I think) and then everyone charged the field. I was there, taking pics and running around like a fool. I got some great shots of the crowd celebrating. The Dominican team, comprised of many major league all-stars, celebrated like they had won the real World Series. It was exhilarating and uplifting, until I met up with Cody. His wallet and cellphone had been stolen. His hand was in his pocket when someone reached in. He tried to elbow them, but when he moved just slightly, they were able to take the stuff out. As he told me this, I instinctively reached into my pocket. Yep, my wallet had been stolen too. My Driver's License and two credit cards were inside, along with receipts. luckily I had kept most of my money in another pocket, or like Cody said, we'd be handwashing windshields in the street.
